Lessons Called Exes

February 21, 2023 Aphsie 4 comments

It’s a good idea to learn from your mistakes, it’s also the best way to ensure growth and continuance. When it comes to dating – I don’t have a type, I am attracted to someone because of their speech, actions and reasoning 👌🏾 

That’s probably why I’ve never dated the same kind of person, when a relationship doesn’t work-out I reflect on my ex’s characteristics, mark them as red-flags and use that to inform who I select as my next partner ❤️‍🔥 

I very recently bumped into some family members of my recent ex and this took me down memory lane and inspired this here blogpost. I didn’t realise how much the closure I received that faithful day would assist me with completely closing that chapter of my life 📕 

This also made me revisit my past relationships and if I could sum them up into the lessons they served – they would be:

Commit To The Break-up

The first romantic partner I had was when I was in Grade 8 and looking back I realise that I was way too young to be worried about boys 🙃 

Lol, either way I had deep feelings for this young man and thought we’d be high-school sweethearts. This is probably why I allowed us to make-up one too many times after a break-up 👎🏾

It was the words I received from my youth pastor that truly cemented this lesson, he told me to completely close this chapter and remove absolutely everything that will remind you of our past relationship & focus on building my relationship with God instead. 🙌🏾

Lesson #1:
  Once you break-up with a partner, trust your intuition and don’t look back. 

Remain Unbiased

I will admit that this is a relatively difficult thing to do, given you develop a strong liking and bias towards your partner 🥰

This is exactly what makes love blind – because no matter what your reality and community says about your partner, you are always going to choose your partner’s side 👩🏾‍🦯

Well, this fine gentleman was battling his reality of being a gay man – everyone around me was telling me or gossiping about our relationship and I looked past it just to serve my own heartbreak 💔

Lesson #2:  In relationships deal with the facts and don’t betray your intelligence. 

Match Your Drive

I am all about pursuing an inspired life and regularly share what motivates me – yet when it comes to realising and reaching your goals, it’s all up to you 🙌🏾 

This is something this young man had not realised and would sit around and wait for handouts from church and his community at large. He was a dreamer and a creative, at first I admired this but after sometime I realised that this is where it ends 😩

I’ve always felt inclined to the vision I have for my life and it has served as a roadmap for me. There’s nothing as demotivating as being in a relationship (family, romantic or friendship) with someone who doesn’t match your fire 🔥 

Lesson #3:  Learn your partner’s dreams, passions and see if their actions align with them.

Don’t Commit Too Soon

This was probably my greatest downfall in all my past relationships, I was always ‘dating for marriage’ 👰🏾 

Yes, even my young pre-teen self was hoping her walks in the park would end as a walk down the aisle. Unfortunately, this robbed me of experiencing the relationship for what it truly is 🥺

Too many times I would overlook certain behaviours and hurtful words spoken because I didn’t want to loose them before hearing the wedding bells 💍

Lesson #4:  Not all romantic relationships will/should end in marriage.

I would never wish to relive any one of these relationships – I’ve collected my lessons and moved on 🚗💨 

But, I will forever be grateful for these lessons because they still serve me to this day. As a result, they are the gift that keeps on giving 🎁

Yours – but mine first,
Aphsie ♥︎ 


P.S.  Thanks for having a read & I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this topic below…

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