It Could Never Be The Same

May 28, 2024 Aphsie 5 comments

After heartbreak, loss, or even experiencing defeat or failure, life is never quite the same again, is it? These events leave indelible marks that alter the course of our lives forever. 

As someone who strives to maintain a hopeful outlook, I find it particularly challenging to “move on” from such profound experiences. It’s as if I’m caught in a perpetual state of limbo, oscillating between cherishing past happiness and trying to embrace a promising future. 

But before I delve deeper and risk digressing, the inspiration for this blogpost is the profound impact my mother’s passing has had on me. Her death fundamentally changed everything. I found myself struggling to comprehend how life could continue when it felt like my world had ended.

My mother and I were involved in a fatal car accident, which I discuss in detail here. The following poem captures my grief and the enduring impact of her loss:

It Could Never Be the Same
by Aphelele Chonco

I was with you when you took your last breath, 
My heart broke when I learned I wouldn’t laugh with you ever again.
Expectation grew strong, and it was directing me towards forgetting about you.

I felt like I needed to die down the amount of pain that flooded my heart.
My world came to a dead still,
A moment of silence that was way too long.
How do I get over you?

This was never part of the plan,
We were meant to be together for much longer.
I no longer want to trust anyone with my love,
I know no one is to be blamed for this,
Though I sometimes wish there was…

Written in loving memory of my mother and best friend, Ruby Phuti Chonco. May you continue to rest in eternal peace, my love

Losing my mother changed me irrevocably. It shattered my sense of normalcy and left me grappling with how to continue in a world without her. Through my writing and reflection, I aim to honour her memory and navigate the complex emotions that accompany such a profound loss.

Thank you for allowing me to share this deeply personal journey with you.

Yours – but mine first,

Did You Know that May is Mental Health Awareness month?
Learn more about Mental Health HERE 

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