Before You Call Me Friend – Know This…

May 16, 2023 Aphsie 4 comments

I have been blessed to be a part of a lot of friendships as I grew up and each one still has a special place in my heart… 

Unfortunately, a whole lot of these friendships have hit a dry spell and a majority of these reached this parched phase after I survived the fatal car crash I discuss in My Testimony 🙋🏾‍♀️ 

I also refer to the year of the accident as the ‘Friendship Massacre’ – because not only did I lose the life of my very best friend (in the whole-wide-world) whom I was with that faithful day, but so did I lose every other living friend 💔 

Ok, truth is my friends didn’t all ‘pack their bags and hit the road’ – but it sure did feel like it. I did have a few friends reach out and make time for real conversations and for that I am ever so grateful – bless them 🙌🏾 

The remaining lot were overcome by the awkwardness of death and I guess life simply went on – bless them too. This experience was very challenging for me and I didn’t even realise this as I was navigating it, but it provided me with a new perspective on friendships and relationships as a whole 👁 

Towards the middle of last year I underwent a ‘Friendship Fatigue’, so I withdrew to do some self-work. I can safely say the I am now open to building meaningful and genuine friendships, but before you call me friend – you should know this…

I Take Relationships Seriously

Who I keep in my space and in my heart matters to me. I also place a great deal of meaning on every relationship I form and I expect the same energy back 🥰

I’ve been friends with people who were lukewarm about our relationship and am I wrong to believe I deserve more? NO ✌🏾

Communication Is Key

We very literally have nothing without communication. I mean, how will I know your thoughts, hopes and expectations if you don’t tell me? And vice-versa 🤯

I’ve had friends who only spoke to me when they needed something and when I confronted them, they cited: ‘I was going through a lot…’ as their excuse. Then why didn’t you tell me? In fact, why don’t you go through this alone too⁉️ 🤚🏾 

We’re Not In Competition

Hhayibo – I actually don’t believe this is a point I needed to mention, but experience had taught me otherwise… We are individuals, let’s continue to treat each other with that respect 🙏🏾

I once had a friend who celebrated my wins only if she considered them outside of her personal goals and constantly pitted our lives against each other. Another one once said: “It makes me sad that your life might be better than mine.” 😳

We Don’t Need Each Other

This is a great realisation to reach together right at the beginning of our friendship. We were both leading whole lives before we knew each other and will continue to do the same all throughout our relationship 💯

This other former friend of mine became too needy because they lived in isolation from everyone else who loves and cares for them. This became a hefty challenge as they needed constant reassurance of my love for them, this also resulted in exteeended visits and jealousy when I spend time with my other friends or even my family members 🚩

I’m sure you can see why it’s important to highlight these truths before embarking in a life-long connection with someone – do you have your own? 💭

How do you feel about building friendships?..

Yours – but mine first,

P.S.  Thanks for having a read & I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this topic below…

4 Comments on “Before You Call Me Friend – Know This…

  1. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt post, Aphsie. It’s clear that you’ve been through a lot, and I admire your resilience and introspection in the face of such challenges.

  2. It’s funny how we’re so open to mentioning the list a romantic relationship needs to tick, but we don’t do this for friendships which at time last even longer than romantic relationships. It becomes so important to communicate, make sure your goals for a friendship align and you plan to intentionally grow that friendship like we do romantic relationships. Thank you for sharing ma gol!!!

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